Author: John Carter

Codependency and Addiction: Understand the Relationship and Get Help

It’s like adding gasoline to a fire – things are about to get intense. Addiction and codependency often go together like peanut butter and jelly, except this sandwich leaves a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth. Enter your phone number below to receive a free and confidential call from a treatment provider. A 12-step program, such as CoDA, can be a structured way to bring your focus from the other person to yourself in a group setting. To hide problems in their relationship, people might withdraw further from family and friends. By Heather JonesJones is a freelance writer with a strong focus on health, parenting, disability, and feminism.

Codependency is a relationship dynamic that is comprised of rescuing or enabling in attempts to validate one’s self. Outside of professional support, aiming to rediscover your individuality can be helpful. You can try spending time alone and pursuing individual interests and former hobbies. Reach out to friends and family to start rebuilding relationships separate from your partner.

Codependency and Addiction: Understand the Relationship and Get Help

This might feel uncomfortable at first, especially for those who’ve spent years putting others’ needs before their own. But boundaries are crucial for breaking the cycle of codependency and addiction. Codependents may have weak boundaries, taking on their loved one’s pain, enabling their addiction and excusing poor behavior. As a result, the codependent individual may become depressed and anxious if they are unable to save their loved one from harm. Psychotherapist Jodi White has a podcast called “Journals of a Love Addict,“ which explores her own experiences of codependency.

Theories about shame

Addicts, whether they’re battling substance abuse or behavioral addictions, often exhibit erratic and destructive behaviors. And here’s where the gateway behavior comes into play – codependents, in their misguided attempts to help, often end up enabling these harmful patterns. Some codependents may feel that taking care of people who need it most gives them a sense of worth and they can feel secure from the validation that such relationships give them. Furthermore, codependents may be motivated by a lack of self-love, hoping to get the love they pour into others back in return.

Control Patterns

  1. If you’re having a hard time working through the steps by yourself, a therapist can offer guidance and support.
  2. Get professional help from an online addiction and mental health counselor from BetterHelp.
  3. In a healthy relationship, both parties give and receive equally and are able to retain their own identity separate from the other person.
  4. Codependency is not recognized as a unique mental health disorder in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5).

You and your family can also attend family therapy to address codependency in your family and how it affects each member. A luxury drug and alcohol center on a 16-acre pet-friendly ranch with private rooms, equine therapy, hiking trails, a private chef, and more. Websites like SMART Recovery offer free support group meetings and educational materials. The National Association for Children of Alcoholics provides resources specifically for those who grew up in homes affected by addiction.

The unconscious thought might be that “I’ll leave before you leave me.” Fear of success and failure may limit job performance and career options. To better manage difficult emotions on your own it’s best to develop coping skills, says Ozturk. Learning self-soothing behaviors such as deep breathing or going for a walk can help you manage your emotions. “In order to overcome codependency, make sure you reconnect with friends and family — nurture your other social relationships,” says Schiff.

Characteristics of codependent behaviors

A healthy, interdependent relationship has mutual respect and no power imbalance. You’re able to rely on your partner for mutual support but can still maintain your identity as a unique individual, explains Schiff. If you’ve been stuck in codependent thoughts and behaviors for a while, you understand that recovery is a long-term process requiring mindful self-care and self-love.

Any relationship where one partner is dysfunctionally dependent on the other person can be considered a codependent relationship. Being codependent means having an unhealthy attachment to a specific person. Codependency can also occur in friendships, between family members, between a boss and an employee, and among coworkers.

Codependency And Addiction

Failing to stop the substance use may drive the codependent to drugs, alcohol, or risky behaviors to cope with that pain. A person with substance addiction isn’t the only half of a codependent relationship that can struggle with an addiction. Often, a codependent person will use alcohol, drugs, sex, food, and other substances to manage the pain of codependency. Addressing substance use in both parties can help the relationship heal as a whole. Codependency is not recognized as a mental health condition in the DSM-5, but being codependent in relationships can negatively affect a person’s life.

It’s a pattern of behavior where one person excessively relies on another for approval and a sense of identity. You can start by seeking help from a therapist who can give you the tools you need to thrive independently again — even if you stay in your current relationship. The signs of codependency become more obvious during the middle stage. Self-esteem commonly drops, and one partner might begin compromising more of themselves to satisfy the other.

Codependency & Drug Abuse

Breaking free from the cycle of codependency and addiction is no small feat. It requires courage, commitment, and a whole lot of self-reflection. Both parties need to learn about compensatory behavior – understanding how their actions might be attempts to make up for perceived inadequacies or past traumas. This awareness can be a powerful tool in breaking unhealthy patterns. Codependents, on the other hand, need to work on developing a stronger sense of self.

The codependent partner may not mean to drive someone to codependency. Some definitions of codependency suggest it only develops if someone you live with has an addiction. More accurately, the source of codependency may stem from personality, childhood experiences, trauma, and an intermingling of each. Living with someone who has an addiction can certainly cause codependent tendencies. In the end, breaking free from codependency and addiction isn’t just about stopping negative behaviors. It’s about creating space for growth, self-discovery, and genuine connection.