Author: John Carter

How To Help An Alcoholic Parent

This is especially likely if alcoholism runs on his side of the family or if he also deals with a mood disorder like depression. People with alcoholism are dependent on alcohol, but not everyone who drinks heavily is an alcoholic.6, 14 About a third of American adults are considered to be excessive drinkers. You’re not to blame if you learned to use alcohol as a means of dealing with trauma from your childhood, but you can always take action to learn new, more helpful coping mechanisms.

Unfortunately, alcoholism doesn’t just impact the alcoholic. It can also cause crippling effects on the alcoholic’s loved ones, especially their children. Research suggests that about one in 10 children lives with a parent who has an alcohol use disorder, and about one in 5 adults lived with a person who used alcohol when they were growing up. Parents with an AUD may have difficulty providing children with a safe, loving environment, which can lead to long-term emotional and behavioral consequences.

SMART Recovery™

Parents’ use of alcohol and teens’ lower performance in school have shown an association in research. This could be related in part to the behavior issues among children of parents with an AUD. It could also be complicated by other family circumstances. The adult child of an emotionally or physically unavailable parent can develop a debilitating fear of abandonment and hold on to toxic relationships because they fear being alone. If a child’s parent was mean or abusive when they were drunk, adult children can grow up with a fear of all angry people.

1. You never knew who would be there or what mood theyd be in when you came home from school.
2. If your father won’t accept treatment, you can’t force him to.
3. In addition to the higher rate of selecting an alcoholic partner, ACOAs are also more likely to experience the symptoms of trauma.
4. If your family is affected by alcohol use, it is important to seek help.
5. They’ll feel more encouraged to seek help if they have support.
6. This limits the amount of intimacy you can have with your partner and can leave you feeling disconnected.

If your family is affected by alcohol use, it is important to seek help. Experts highly recommend working with a therapist, particularly one who specializes in trauma or substance use disorders. According to Peifer, a mental health professional can help you connect deep-rooted fears and wounds stemming from childhood to behaviors, responses, and patterns showing up in your adult life. It may be beneficial for you to seek help from a mental health professional such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker. They may be able to help you understand, cope with your feelings about, and improve your mental state over your parent’s situation and the impacts that it has had on you.

Perhaps to avoid criticism or the anger of their parent with AUD, many children tend to become super-responsible or perfectionistic overachievers or workaholics. On the other hand, people often go in the opposite direction, mirroring the same bad behaviors they witnessed during childhood. In addition to judging themselves too harshly, some adult children of people with AUD constantly seek approval from others. They can become people-pleasers who are crushed if someone is not happy with them and live in fear of any kind of criticism. A trained mental health professional can offer more support with identifying unhelpful habits and coping mechanisms and exploring alternatives that better serve you. Couples therapy can also have benefit, according to White, if you believe behaviors rooted in your childhood experiences have started to affect your romantic relationship.

What is Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD)?

What’s more, children who had to act as parents to their own parents may go on to believe it’s their responsibility to take care of others, which can lead to codependent relationships. The effects of growing up in an alcoholic family are varied. Many ACOAs are very successful, hard-working, and goal-driven.Some struggle with alcohol or other addictions themselves. Living with an alcoholic can be stressful and traumatizing.

Dr. Tian Dayton, a clinical psychologist, reports the impact of this trauma on a child and how the environment in which these children grow up directly reflects the major factors contributing to PTSD. These factors include the feeling of being unable to escape from the pain, being at risk in the family, and being frightened in a place that should be safe. Children with alcoholic parents often have to take care of their parents and siblings. As an adult, you still spend a lot of time and energy taking care of other people and their problems (sometimes trying to rescue or “fix” them). As a result, you neglect your own needs,get into dysfunctional relationships, and allow others to take advantage of your kindness. If you grew up in an alcoholic or addicted family, chances are it had a profound impact on you.

Ways growing up with an alcoholic parent can affect you as an adult:

If you’re thinking, “my dad is an alcoholic,” talk to your father about it in a supportive way. Don’t nag or judge him; express your concern and kindly let him know that you want to help. Alcoholics often are in denial about their condition, so be prepared for him to tell you that he does not need help. Some studies have shown that children of parents with AUD are more likely to misuse alcohol themselves in adolescence or adulthood. They may begin drinking alcohol at a younger age than other people and progress quickly to a problematic level of consumption. When both parents have AUD, teens may be at still higher risk.

Coping with the lasting effects of a parent’s alcohol use can be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. According to White, this may happen partly because children often learn to mirror the characteristics of their parents. Conversely, Peifer notes that some children who grow up in these environments may become more attention-seeking in order to fulfill the needs their parents couldn’t meet. They might eventually form unstable or unhealthy attachments to others, partially because these bonds feel familiar.

As a result, many will end up feeling conflicted, confused, and self-conscious when they realize that drinking is not considered normal in other families. When you don’t learn how to regulate your emotions, you might find it more difficult to understand what you’re feeling and why, not to mention maintain control over your responses and reactions. Difficulty expressing and regulating emotions can affect your overall well-being and contribute to challenges in your personal relationships. A 2014 review found that children of parents who misuse alcohol often have trouble developing emotional regulation abilities. There are several issues relevant to the effects of trauma on a child in these types of households.

You’re actually a highly sensitive person, but you’veshut down youremotions in order to cope. You’re sensitive to criticism, which fuels your people-pleasing. Addicts are often unpredictable, sometimes abusive, and always checked-out emotionally (and sometimes physically). You never knew who would be there or what mood theyd be in when you came home from school. Or you might have sensed all the tension just below the surface, like a volcano waiting to erupt. Try to spend some alone time with your parent to avoid interruptions or distractions.

Out of necessity, you took on some of your parents’responsibilities. These may have been practical (like paying the bills) or emotional (like comforting your siblings when Mom and Dad fought). Now you continue to take responsibility for other people’s feelings or for problems that you didn’t cause.

With therapy and support, ACOAs can make changes in their life and treat the underlying PTSD and trauma. Talk therapy one-on-one or group counseling, somatic experiencing, and EMDR are highly effective in addressing the signs of trauma and developing new, healthy coping mechanisms. A sudden change of plans or anything that feels out of your control can trigger your anxiety and/or anger.Youthrive on routine and predictability. Growing up in an alcoholic home, you feel insecure and crave acceptance. The constant lying, manipulation, and harsh parenting makes it hard to trust people.

Consequently, they may avoid social situations, have difficulty making friends, and isolate themselves. Individual therapy is a great place to start, says Michelle Dubey, LCSW, chief clinical officer for Landmark Recovery. The type of therapy you pursue may depend on the issues you’re most concerned about. Your therapist can help you determine a therapy approach that best fits your unique needs and concerns. “Many people with AUD are unable to have healthy conflict, especially when under the influence of alcohol,” says White. This state of hypervigilance is a common symptom of both post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and anxiety disorders.

Talking to your parents about their addiction can be intimidating. Factors like pride, ego, and threats of physical violence can make it hard to broach the subject. Children of a parent with AUD may find themselves thinking they are different from other people and therefore not good enough.