Author: John Carter

Narcissistic Mother: 12 Signs & Effects On Children

alcoholic narcissistic mother

A mother with narcissistic tendencies is typically overly concerned with her daughter’s appearance and achievements and how they reflect back on her, says Lis. Did your mother consistently see you as a threat, gaslight you, or treat you as an extension of herself growing up? Alcohol abuse disorder is characterized by periods of sobriety and relapse. Even so, with a combination of therapy, support, and persistence, around a third of people with AUD will maintain sobriety for at least a year and sometimes for decades. Medications like Campral, Topamax, and Revia have greatly improved AUD recovery rates. With any mental health condition, the outlook is almost invariably better if you are treated than not treated.

They will con a way to buy alcohol, drink in secret, and find a way to cover their drinking. For narcissists, manipulation is a way to use someone to get the reactions or attention they desire. Narcissists are full of entitlement and lack empathy for others, so they may do whatever they want to others with no regard to their feelings. Alcoholics do the same when they put their drinking first without concern for how it affects others. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a disorder in which someone acts selfishly and thinks highly of themselves.

  1. When you feel unworthy, you cant love yourself and you cant let others love you either.
  2. However, some people may want to maintain contact with their parent with NPD.
  3. They can also lose their sense of identity in caring for others.
  4. By doing so, she instills in them a sense of never being good enough, no matter what they achieve.

Yet behind closed doors, she is pouncing on Timmy with reprimands about what he has yet to accomplish and picking on Stacys weight. Understanding the relationship between mothers with narcissistic qualities and their daughters — and your relationship with your own mother — can offer deeper healing in adulthood. While a healthy amount of self-love is important so we respect and care for ourselves—and also show others how we should be treated—the narcissistic mother is all about her. She believes she is entitled to that, and she is incredibly self-absorbed.

Empathic mothers are attuned to the emotional welfare of their children; narcissistic mothers represent a perversion of the maternal instinct. She shows off her children without properly tending to their basic emotional and psychological needs. To her, how things look is far more important than how they actually are. She may even be callous and cold to the point where she refuses to touch her children altogether. Like any narcissist, the narcissistic mother engages in triangulation manufacturing triangles among her children and even their peers.

Impacts of having a mother with narcissistic traits

By doing so, a person is less likely to be “over-treated” for a condition they may not actually have. Exhibiting narcissistic behaviors when drunk, for example, doesn’t inherently mean that a person has NPD. Alcohol can influence narcissistic behaviors, such as arrogance, self-importance, and feelings of superiority that aren’t otherwise present when sober. Personality disorders like NPD are those in which a person has a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning, and behaving. Substance abuse disorders like AUD are characterized by mental and physical addiction. You’ll also have to take care of your nervous system, helping it to heal from the effects of trauma.

alcoholic narcissistic mother

People with AUD, also known as alcoholism, can display patterns of narcissism, including self-absorption and an underlying craving for admiration. You can feel like you’re betraying your roots, or you may worry that healing may take forever. We went to school and learned loads of nifty formulas and facts—you might even have many, many fancy degrees. But we didn’t learn crucial life skills and financial fluency or boundaries. Otherwise, you’ve left the playground, but you’ve become your own bully.

Alcoholics and narcissists can also rapidly change moods and behavior. If you’ve dealt with a narcissist you know that one minute they can be charming and pleasant but then turn around and become threatening and attacking. Alcoholics can undergo similar shifts when under the influence and can seem like a different person in a matter of a few drinks. Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist/author specializing in addictions, codependency, and underlying issues such as depression, trauma, and anxiety. Our mothers are the foundation of our first attachment to the world.

How to cope with a mother who has narcissistic personality disorder

Part of this may be also recognizing who else in your life is like your mother because chances are, it’s a house of mirrors, and she’s not the only narcissist in your life. If you suspect or realize your mother may be a narcissist, that Eureka! But you might end up blaming yourself for making her behaviors worse, not seeing through her earlier, not standing up to her—anything. Or you might be furious at yourself for not knowing what things like boundaries and attachment are. Unfortunately, a narcissist’s children are brought up to dismiss how they feel.

Inner child work with a trained mental health professional might help you heal your childhood wounds, too. The treatment of NPD and AUD should ideally be delivered simultaneously, especially if there is severe addiction or depression. With that said, there are challenges to delivering appropriate care for the dual diagnosis. Moreover, each mental health condition must be independently diagnosed.

alcoholic narcissistic mother

This relationship can lead a person to experience mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression. It can also lead to isolation and issues regulating emotions and maintaining relationships. ‘When we see all those five traits, and they might appear overtly or covertly, the impact is massive’, Helen adds.

Children raised by narcissistic mothers often grow up to have poor standards and poor boundaries. While standards are the Hell yeses in your life, boundaries are the Hell noes. And if you’re not aware of what those are, then you don’t know when they are being transgressed.

Difficulty trusting and being closed off

Not only did Mom invalidate or gaslight you, but you also learned that the best way to survive is not to feel anything. Instead, it’s to convince yourself by being overrational, that it’s not that bad. Here’s when someone screws with your sense of reality, so you no longer trust yourself and become dependent on their version of reality. As children, we don’t expect our loved ones to do something so horrendous.

There are numerous other online support groups and chat rooms dedicated to loved ones living with alcoholism and NPD. This might include joining Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other 12-step programs that offer nonjudgmental peer support to others living with AUD. You can also join a local support group offered by the National Association of Mental Illness (NAMI), which addresses substance abuse when NPD and other mental health disorders. You could start by engaging with a mental healthcare provider or treatment center that specializes in dual diagnoses.

Recognizing the long-term effects of growing up with alcoholic parents.

The idea behind gray rocking is that a person makes themselves uninteresting and unengaged to the point that the other person loses interest. One way a person may cope with their parent who has NPD is through isolation. This may be via geographical isolation, such as moving away from the parent. It may also be from isolating the parent from the individual’s life. For instance, a person may block all contact from the parent. For example, if a parent with NPD is happy and showers the child with admiration, that child may have a higher sense of self-esteem.